Strikes and strings: Five ways to spice up Marlins games with musical instruments

The Miami Marlins are desperate, and not just for wins. The team is last in MLB in attendance after beginning yet another roster rebuild.
Ownership’s solution? Bring on the drums!
Derek Jeter’s team will turn a section of the outfield stands next year into “Comunidad 305”, where musical instruments and flags will be encouraged.

Marlins Park, photograph by D Ramey Logan via Wikimedia

Yes, this is thinly-veiled pandering to Latin fans, who showed their infectious enthusiasm for baseball at the World Baseball Cup games in the very same Miami Park by bringing flags and noisemakers. For some reasons, fans aren’t quite as excited to root for a Marlins team with zero star power that’s headed for 90-plus losses.
When next season rolls around, I’m sure there will be much more excitement in the stands. No, not because of the team. The musical instrument section could tremendous fun for the fans.
Imagine during a slow-paced, quiet game, fans become their own entertainment by performing music. On most nights, Marlins Park is quiet enough that you could hear a band in the outfield from behind center plate. Forget the action on the field, why not show the baseball world Miami’s musical talents?
Here are my Top 5 ideas for using musical instruments at Marlins games next season:

• Battle of the Bands: Bring your guitars, drums, fiddles, banjos, or whatever you play, and jam out with your band members. Each band gets a half inning to show their stuff. Clearly, the best innings to pick are when the Marlins are pitching, because those will probably last longer.
• Opera: Seat a full orchestra (plus conductor) together in the stands along with a few opera singers with booming voices. Wouldn’t you like to hear “La bohème” while a pitcher is on the mound scratching himself?
• Elvis vs Celia Cruz night: Pick your favorite icon and join the musical duel. Americana vs Cuban-American. At the top of the inning, Elvis impersonators strum their guitars and croon. At the bottom of the inning, Celia impersonators sing their salsa and rumba with a percussion section. Whichever group wins gets to de-wig the losers.
• Slide whistle hell: One slide whistle is cute. A second slide whistle is amusing. A third slide whistle, I want to rip that damn thing from your hands and throw it in the garbage. Imagine a whole outfield section of fans randomly, constantly tooting the slide whistle. Instead of “accidentally” throwing at opposing hitters, Marlins pitches might zing a few fastballs into the crowd.
• Gong show: Say the fans actually wanted to help the team. Everyone bring a gong. When the opposing team is batting, ring the gong in unison the instant after the ball leaves the pitcher’s hand. When the Marlins are batting, bang those gongs as the opposing pitcher is winding up. Mind games.

Have any better ideas? Let me hear them.